why is it that sometimes is feels as though a song can change your life.
The meaning of a word
its crazy to think that there could be more emotion behind why someone decided to write it or the thought that was put toward a single lyric.
Almost as if this one lyric was meant to change this moment
Today, the lyric im talking about is "go insane"
at first it made no sense to me why anyone would want to go insane
the thought haunts me
it reminds me of an old abandoned hospital or something fucking scary
but, then i began to really think about it.
the song talked about going insane. but what is insane?
is it being placed on a 5150 hold? jumping off the side of a bridge to only be caught by a bunji rope that has no guarantee of life at all or, maybe it was falling in love.
like the old commercials for tootsie pops used to say... "the world will never know"
But it got me thinking.
what if being insane was the only sane thing we can do?
by this I mean take the risk, kiss the girl (HA, like my reference), jump off the fucking bridge, or better yet... fall in fucking love.
The concept of love is difficult for me to understand. It may even be something that i've never fully felt.. until now of course.
I've fallen for my self this last year and I've watched my growth. I have realized what I love and what I dont . What I want and what I can't stand. I've watched myself grow from this baby girl who was afraid of the world.
Afraid of looking stupid, of letting people down, but ultimately afraid to be herself. She needed acceptance and approval. She looked to other people for her happiness. Relied on the reactions of others to make a decision. But now. Now she stands alone. When she is faced with a challenge she stands tall and proud ready to face what ever is in front of her. She stares her fears in the face and watches them while they crawl across the bedroom floor. They no longer taunted her or tortured her every wake. The ran from her, screaming, because the truth is their time was up and they had to hang onto every last breath, every movement, every inch of life that they had only one second to cling onto.
and so my tangent goes on, for the lyric I mentioned was my acceptance of the fears that overwhelm my thoughts. It was the question of the risk. The risk of going insane.
and then I thought. Well if the only risk is that well go insane.